Record Of Trial: Session 2
Colonel Jack Ross: The court-martial will come to order.
Captain Harmon Rabb Jr.: The parties and the military judge are all present.
Colonel Ross: Colonel Creedon, have you come to a decision regarding the use of blog comments as testimony against you and to be tried my me on the basis of those comments as presented here in these proceedings?
Colonel Ciaran Creedon: I have, Your Honour.
Colonel Ross: What is your decision Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: I would like the court to accept the use of my blog The Colonel’s Eagle as legal testimony in this case.
Colonel Ross: Very well Colonel, Trial Counsel you may proceed.
Captain Rabb: Thank you, Your Honour. To conclude presentation of evidence, may I divert your attention to the URL: http://genthar.blogspot.com/2006/09/gun-toting-freaks-should-be-eliminated.html of Appellate Exhibit C. Here in the comments as before, Sith Apologist said on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 at 20:01:59 “The Colonel, machine gun in hand, turned and fled.” The prosecution has no further evidence to present Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: You may conduct a direct examination of the evidence Colonel. Captain Rabb, as there is no witness you will have to interpret the evidence on behalf of the Government.
Colonel Creedon: What games is Sith Apologist referring to in the statements outlined by the trial counsel?
Captain Rabb: Based on the weapons Sith Apologist refers to in his comments, and the results of the investigation, I firmly believe that he is referring to Jedi Knight and Unreal Tournament.
Colonel Creedon: For the record, Jedi Knight is the sequel to Dark Forces, a Star Wars game, based on the edicts of my religion and has no bearing on modern military tactics. The primary weapons are swords made of bended laser light which cannot possibly exist in the real world. Secondly within the game, the player has an array of magical powers which include but not limited to levitation, telekinesis, telepathy and invisibility. This is pure science-fiction Your Honour and all comments directly relating to it should not be considered in determining the outcome of the case.
Colonel Ross: I concur, comments in direct relation to the video game Jedi Knight will not be considered by the court.
Colonel Creedon: For the record, Unreal Tournament is set in a post apocalyptic late 21st/early 22nd century setting and it too is science-fiction in so far as it’s…
Captain Rabb: Objection. Unreal Tournament is within the realm of “future possibility”; its setting is not inconceivable.
Colonel Ross: Is this true Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: I guess so with a stretch of the imagination, but unlikely Your Honour.
Colonel Ross: I’m not asking if it’s likely; only if the game could be representative of a possible future as trial counsel suggests and therefore your actions and reactions within the game could be representative of actions in reality.
Colonel Creedon: Yes, Your Honour following that reasoning, it could be.
Colonel Ross: Very well. Objection Sustained. Unreal Tournament may be given some leeway in so far as it could be real at some point in the future and the Marine Corps must and should always be prepared for the future. Comments concerning Unreal Tournament will be accepted by the court at this time.
Colonel Creedon: When “in game” the furthest thing from my mind is…
Captain Rabb: Objection Your Honour.
Colonel Creedon: Jesus Christ!
Colonel Ross: Colonel Creedon! The accused will refrain from such outbursts. Captain Rabb, what is the nature of your objection?
Captain Rabb: It appears that the accused is beginning to testify on his own behalf. If he wishes to rest his examination of the evidence and take the stand, I’d be more than happy to oblige him by…
Colonel Ross: Thank you, Trial Counsel; you’ve made your point. Your objection is sustained. Colonel Creedon, you will refrain from testifying while acting as defence counsel examining the evidence.
Colonel Creedon: I understand Your Honour, I apologize. I wish to refer to the comments that were raised by trial counsel earlier concerning the Shock Rifle. I would like to offer the following description of this, one of Unreal Tournament's most distinctive weapons: The Shock Rifle, fires an instant hit laser beam with its primary fire. Secondary fire unleashes a plasma globe which has a larger size, but a finite speed. This globe can be shot with a primary fire blast to produce a powerful shockwave; this is called a "shock combo". Both globe and beam impart a lot of momentum when they hit, making this weapon ideal for blasting enemies off of ledges or into pits. The enhanced shock rifle is an instant hit, instant kill weapon with unlimited ammunition. It lacks the normal shock rifle's secondary fire, and has an orange rather than blue beam. It is not in any of the standard maps, but is available through the standard Instagib mutator. Derived from the term gib (the gory body fragment of an opposing player killed in a first-person shooter), Instagib is a mutator or alternate gametype.
Captain Rabb: Objection Your Honor, is there a point floating about in here somewhere?
Colonel Creedon: Your Honor, I’m going to establish that the weapon in question has no basis in reality and comments referring to it cannot be used in evidence.
Colonel Ross: I’ve already ruled that comments concerning Unreal Tournament can be used Colonel. But I’m going to overrule the objection, but be quick.
Colonel Creedon: All players carry only a single weapon in instagib, which has infinite ammunition and fires instantly lethal shots with infinite velocity but usually at a low rate of fire. Because each player always has the same weapon and there is no ammo or other pickups to collect, gameplay lays a heavy emphasis on reflexes, hand-eye coordination and positioning, as opposed to resource management and control. Your Honor, this is complete fantasy in any conceivable military environment. Because a single shot can instantly kill an enemy from any range, gameplay tends to be very fast-paced and while Sith Apologist’s comment about Shock Rifles is not in dispute, it is documented that on Thursday, September 14, 2006 at 23:52:34 I did say “I don't fear Shock Rifles, I just dislike being shot by them, especially with the "instagib mutator" on.”, which in this context literally means I dislike instant death, as I would suggest anyone would. From the description of the shock rifle itself and the dynamics of the instagib mutator being contrary to any conceivable type of warefare imaginable outside the realm of science fiction I would ask that comments concerning the Shock Rifle be excluded from judgement.
Captain Rabb: Objection Your Honour, The Shock Rifle is a rail gun.
Colonel Creedon: Objection Your Honor, The Shock Rifle is not a railgun.
Colonel Ross: Colonel, you can’t object to an objection. Captain Rabb?
Captain Rabb: Your Honor, it sounds to me like the Defense is describing a railgun or a coilgun, two proven and working technologies that if properly developed, can exist in a possible future.
Colonel Ross: I’m afraid I’m not familiar with these technologies Captain, so I can’t reasonably rule on your objection at this time. Perhaps a recess for me to get acquainted with them is required. Defence Counsel?
Colonel Creedon: Your Honor, I think I can prove without a shadow of a doubt that the Shock Rifle is not a railgun. In an effort to move the proceedings onwards however, I’d like to allay any fears that Trial Counsel may have of my systematically eliminating each weapon in Unreal Tournament thus representing testimony on Unreal Tournament null and void, only the Shock Rifle is my concern here and I’m prepared to acknowledge that the Minigun weapon in the game for example has a real-world counterpart and it can exist in reality in return for an acknowledgement by Trial Counsel that the Shock Rifle on the other hand cannot.
Colonel Ross: Captain Rabb, the decision is yours.
Captain Rabb: I get the feeling that I’m going to regret this, but Okay I agree to the terms of the argument.
Colonel Ross: Very well, Objection overruled. Continue Colonel.
Colonel Creedon: I have no further evaluation of the evidence Your Honour.
Colonel Ross: Very well, Captain?
Captain Rabb: The prosecution rests Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: Colonel, you may call your first witness.
Colonel Creedon: The defense calls Desslock to the stand.
(pause)
Colonel Ross: Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: Your Honor?
Colonel Ross: Your witness Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: I have called my witness Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: Is he going to join us before I retire?
Colonel Creedon: I doubt it very much Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: Why is that Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: Desslock is an A.I. Bot adversary or team-mate in Unreal Tournament.
Colonel Ross: I don’t follow you Colonel.
Captain Rabb: If you'll permit me Your Honor, the accused cannot produce his witness because Desslock a game character, an NPC not controlled by a human.
Colonel Ross: Is this correct Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: It is indeed Your Honor, I wish to make the point that there are no live witnesses in this case, but myself.
Colonel Ross: Your point is made, but waste my time with amateur courtroom theatrics like that again and I’ll hold you in contempt.
Colonel Creedon: Understood Your Honor. I call myself to the stand; Colonel Biggs will conduct my examination.
Colonel Ross: Proceed.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: Colonel Creedon, I remind you you’re under oath. Are you Colonel Ciarán Creedon, the accused in this case?
Colonel Creedon: I am.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: Can you describe for me the events of the charge in contest against you?
Colonel Creedon: On the evening of December 18th 2004 I did engage in multiplayer combat in the game Unreal Tournament with Sith Apologist. During the course of the game at one point, Sith Apologist levelled a Minigun at me with intent to fire. As I was not sufficiently armed at that point, I turned to retreat to find cover and/or superior firepower with which to defend myself.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: A Minigun is a powerful weapon Colonel, what hope could an infantry officer have against such devastating firepower?
Colonel Creedon: Players get armor in the form of pickups which can prevent death long enough for a tactical retreat in some cases.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: But you would most certainly have died if you had not retreated.
Colonel Creedon: That is correct.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: Are you afraid to die Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: No, I was thinking of the time, money and resources it takes to forge a Marine Colonel and that government investment should be protected.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: No further questions Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: Does Trial Counsel wish to cross-examine.
Captain Rabb: He most certainly does Your Honor. Colonel Creedon, how many games did you win that evening?
Colonel Creedon: I don’t recall.
Captain Rabb: How many games would you have played, what was the frag limit?
Colonel Creedon: I don’t recall how many games; the frag limit was 10 or 20 at a guess.
Captain Rabb: Would you say 30 games?
Colonel Creedon: Sounds good, but I really don’t know.
Captain Rabb: If it was 30 games, how many of those could you have won?
Colonel Creedon: At a guess 1 or 2.
Captain Rabb: The great Colonel Creedon- only 2 games at most out of 30? That’s not too good really is it?
Colonel Creedon: No.
Captain Rabb: Why is that do you think?
Lt. Colonel Biggs: Objection, calls for speculation.
Captain Rabb: Your Honor, the accused is one of the world’s foremost experts on modern combat with a proven ability to size up an opponent in order to defeat them; I just want to know why it can be done in reality but not virtually.
Colonel Ross: Overruled, the accused will answer the question.
Colonel Creedon: I think Sith Apologist has much more experience with the ol' mouse clicking, my experience is more practical with a real trigger naturally that shows after hours of play.
Captain Rabb: Indeed. I put it to you Colonel, that you were afraid.
Colonel Creedon: I was not.
Captain Rabb: - afraid of getting another ass-whupping. Sith Apologist has always beaten you in any FPS for years- yes you reign supreme against everyone else but not Sithy, you were getting tired of going down like a punk in a gang banger hit- and you ran, isn’t that right Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: No
Lt. Colonel Biggs: Objection.
Colonel Ross: Sustained. Captain Rabb!
Captain Rabb: You did, you ran Colonel, why?
Colonel Creedon: I was retreating!
Captain Rabb: Not good enough Colonel, why did you run?
Colonel Ross: CAPTAIN RABB!
Colonel Creedon: You want answers?
Captain Rabb: I think I'm entitled to them.
Colonel Creedon: You want answers?!
Captain Rabb: I WANT THE TRUTH.
Colonel Creedon: YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: The brink of war that this planet faces every day and the lives that I save need to continue to live in blissful ignorance of how close our planet comes to being annihilated each and every day. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You NEED me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE ENTITLED TO.
Colonel Ross: Order in the court! Stand Down Captain Rabb?
Captain Rabb: The testimony is irrefutable Your Honor! “The Colonel, machine gun in hand, turned and fled.” Did you, Colonel, machine gun in hand, turn and flee?
Colonel Creedon: That impossible!!!!
Captain Rabb: How is that Colonel??
Colonel Creedon: BECAUSE THERE IS NO MACHINE-GUN IN UNREAL TOURNAMENT, so I couldn’t have been holding one!!!
Captain Rabb: Huh?!
Colonel Creedon: Is that a question Your Honour?
Colonel Ross: Captain Rabb?
(pause)
Colonel Ross: Have you finished cross-examination?
(Pause)
Colonel Ross: Has Trial Counsel completed it’s cross-examination of the accused?
Captain Rabb: Uh, Yes Your Honor.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: Redirect Your Honor. I have here a document which is a list of weapons in Unreal Tournament, please designate it Appellate Exhibit D. As you’ll see from reading down the list, the weapons are: the Impact Hammer, Enforcer, Bio-Rifle, Shock Rifle, Pulse Gun, Ripper, Minigun, Flak Cannon, Sniper Rifle and the somewhat insane Redeemer, none of these weapons apart from the Minigun itself could be argued that it is a machine gun, but Your Honor if Sith Apologist testified that he himself had a Minigun during the engagement why would he refer to the Minigun under a different name? Colonel, do you know of any reason?
Colonel Creedon: It appears that Sith Apologist was mistaken in what I was holding on that day.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: And so he could have been quite mistaken about any other event that day.
(pause)
Lt. Colonel Biggs: No further questions Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: Captain Rabb, are you awake?
Captain Rabb: Your Honour?
Colonel Ross: Did you not hear the last argument made by Associate Defense Counsel?
Captain Rabb: I should have seen that. No machine-gun.
Colonel Ross: Captain Rabb; are you all right?
Captain Rabb: Yes Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: Associate Defense Counsel may continue.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: The Defense Rests Your Honour.
Colonel Ross: Redirect, Captain?
Captain Rabb: The Prosecution rests.
Colonel Ross: Very well, this court is in recess until Wednesday 22nd November when verdict will be delivered.
Captain Harmon Rabb Jr.: The parties and the military judge are all present.
Colonel Ross: Colonel Creedon, have you come to a decision regarding the use of blog comments as testimony against you and to be tried my me on the basis of those comments as presented here in these proceedings?
Colonel Ciaran Creedon: I have, Your Honour.
Colonel Ross: What is your decision Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: I would like the court to accept the use of my blog The Colonel’s Eagle as legal testimony in this case.
Colonel Ross: Very well Colonel, Trial Counsel you may proceed.
Captain Rabb: Thank you, Your Honour. To conclude presentation of evidence, may I divert your attention to the URL: http://genthar.blogspot.com/2006/09/gun-toting-freaks-should-be-eliminated.html of Appellate Exhibit C. Here in the comments as before, Sith Apologist said on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 at 20:01:59 “The Colonel, machine gun in hand, turned and fled.” The prosecution has no further evidence to present Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: You may conduct a direct examination of the evidence Colonel. Captain Rabb, as there is no witness you will have to interpret the evidence on behalf of the Government.
Colonel Creedon: What games is Sith Apologist referring to in the statements outlined by the trial counsel?
Captain Rabb: Based on the weapons Sith Apologist refers to in his comments, and the results of the investigation, I firmly believe that he is referring to Jedi Knight and Unreal Tournament.
Colonel Creedon: For the record, Jedi Knight is the sequel to Dark Forces, a Star Wars game, based on the edicts of my religion and has no bearing on modern military tactics. The primary weapons are swords made of bended laser light which cannot possibly exist in the real world. Secondly within the game, the player has an array of magical powers which include but not limited to levitation, telekinesis, telepathy and invisibility. This is pure science-fiction Your Honour and all comments directly relating to it should not be considered in determining the outcome of the case.
Colonel Ross: I concur, comments in direct relation to the video game Jedi Knight will not be considered by the court.
Colonel Creedon: For the record, Unreal Tournament is set in a post apocalyptic late 21st/early 22nd century setting and it too is science-fiction in so far as it’s…
Captain Rabb: Objection. Unreal Tournament is within the realm of “future possibility”; its setting is not inconceivable.
Colonel Ross: Is this true Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: I guess so with a stretch of the imagination, but unlikely Your Honour.
Colonel Ross: I’m not asking if it’s likely; only if the game could be representative of a possible future as trial counsel suggests and therefore your actions and reactions within the game could be representative of actions in reality.
Colonel Creedon: Yes, Your Honour following that reasoning, it could be.
Colonel Ross: Very well. Objection Sustained. Unreal Tournament may be given some leeway in so far as it could be real at some point in the future and the Marine Corps must and should always be prepared for the future. Comments concerning Unreal Tournament will be accepted by the court at this time.
Colonel Creedon: When “in game” the furthest thing from my mind is…
Captain Rabb: Objection Your Honour.
Colonel Creedon: Jesus Christ!
Colonel Ross: Colonel Creedon! The accused will refrain from such outbursts. Captain Rabb, what is the nature of your objection?
Captain Rabb: It appears that the accused is beginning to testify on his own behalf. If he wishes to rest his examination of the evidence and take the stand, I’d be more than happy to oblige him by…
Colonel Ross: Thank you, Trial Counsel; you’ve made your point. Your objection is sustained. Colonel Creedon, you will refrain from testifying while acting as defence counsel examining the evidence.
Colonel Creedon: I understand Your Honour, I apologize. I wish to refer to the comments that were raised by trial counsel earlier concerning the Shock Rifle. I would like to offer the following description of this, one of Unreal Tournament's most distinctive weapons: The Shock Rifle, fires an instant hit laser beam with its primary fire. Secondary fire unleashes a plasma globe which has a larger size, but a finite speed. This globe can be shot with a primary fire blast to produce a powerful shockwave; this is called a "shock combo". Both globe and beam impart a lot of momentum when they hit, making this weapon ideal for blasting enemies off of ledges or into pits. The enhanced shock rifle is an instant hit, instant kill weapon with unlimited ammunition. It lacks the normal shock rifle's secondary fire, and has an orange rather than blue beam. It is not in any of the standard maps, but is available through the standard Instagib mutator. Derived from the term gib (the gory body fragment of an opposing player killed in a first-person shooter), Instagib is a mutator or alternate gametype.
Captain Rabb: Objection Your Honor, is there a point floating about in here somewhere?
Colonel Creedon: Your Honor, I’m going to establish that the weapon in question has no basis in reality and comments referring to it cannot be used in evidence.
Colonel Ross: I’ve already ruled that comments concerning Unreal Tournament can be used Colonel. But I’m going to overrule the objection, but be quick.
Colonel Creedon: All players carry only a single weapon in instagib, which has infinite ammunition and fires instantly lethal shots with infinite velocity but usually at a low rate of fire. Because each player always has the same weapon and there is no ammo or other pickups to collect, gameplay lays a heavy emphasis on reflexes, hand-eye coordination and positioning, as opposed to resource management and control. Your Honor, this is complete fantasy in any conceivable military environment. Because a single shot can instantly kill an enemy from any range, gameplay tends to be very fast-paced and while Sith Apologist’s comment about Shock Rifles is not in dispute, it is documented that on Thursday, September 14, 2006 at 23:52:34 I did say “I don't fear Shock Rifles, I just dislike being shot by them, especially with the "instagib mutator" on.”, which in this context literally means I dislike instant death, as I would suggest anyone would. From the description of the shock rifle itself and the dynamics of the instagib mutator being contrary to any conceivable type of warefare imaginable outside the realm of science fiction I would ask that comments concerning the Shock Rifle be excluded from judgement.
Captain Rabb: Objection Your Honour, The Shock Rifle is a rail gun.
Colonel Creedon: Objection Your Honor, The Shock Rifle is not a railgun.
Colonel Ross: Colonel, you can’t object to an objection. Captain Rabb?
Captain Rabb: Your Honor, it sounds to me like the Defense is describing a railgun or a coilgun, two proven and working technologies that if properly developed, can exist in a possible future.
Colonel Ross: I’m afraid I’m not familiar with these technologies Captain, so I can’t reasonably rule on your objection at this time. Perhaps a recess for me to get acquainted with them is required. Defence Counsel?
Colonel Creedon: Your Honor, I think I can prove without a shadow of a doubt that the Shock Rifle is not a railgun. In an effort to move the proceedings onwards however, I’d like to allay any fears that Trial Counsel may have of my systematically eliminating each weapon in Unreal Tournament thus representing testimony on Unreal Tournament null and void, only the Shock Rifle is my concern here and I’m prepared to acknowledge that the Minigun weapon in the game for example has a real-world counterpart and it can exist in reality in return for an acknowledgement by Trial Counsel that the Shock Rifle on the other hand cannot.
Colonel Ross: Captain Rabb, the decision is yours.
Captain Rabb: I get the feeling that I’m going to regret this, but Okay I agree to the terms of the argument.
Colonel Ross: Very well, Objection overruled. Continue Colonel.
Colonel Creedon: I have no further evaluation of the evidence Your Honour.
Colonel Ross: Very well, Captain?
Captain Rabb: The prosecution rests Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: Colonel, you may call your first witness.
Colonel Creedon: The defense calls Desslock to the stand.
(pause)
Colonel Ross: Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: Your Honor?
Colonel Ross: Your witness Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: I have called my witness Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: Is he going to join us before I retire?
Colonel Creedon: I doubt it very much Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: Why is that Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: Desslock is an A.I. Bot adversary or team-mate in Unreal Tournament.
Colonel Ross: I don’t follow you Colonel.
Captain Rabb: If you'll permit me Your Honor, the accused cannot produce his witness because Desslock a game character, an NPC not controlled by a human.
Colonel Ross: Is this correct Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: It is indeed Your Honor, I wish to make the point that there are no live witnesses in this case, but myself.
Colonel Ross: Your point is made, but waste my time with amateur courtroom theatrics like that again and I’ll hold you in contempt.
Colonel Creedon: Understood Your Honor. I call myself to the stand; Colonel Biggs will conduct my examination.
Colonel Ross: Proceed.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: Colonel Creedon, I remind you you’re under oath. Are you Colonel Ciarán Creedon, the accused in this case?
Colonel Creedon: I am.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: Can you describe for me the events of the charge in contest against you?
Colonel Creedon: On the evening of December 18th 2004 I did engage in multiplayer combat in the game Unreal Tournament with Sith Apologist. During the course of the game at one point, Sith Apologist levelled a Minigun at me with intent to fire. As I was not sufficiently armed at that point, I turned to retreat to find cover and/or superior firepower with which to defend myself.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: A Minigun is a powerful weapon Colonel, what hope could an infantry officer have against such devastating firepower?
Colonel Creedon: Players get armor in the form of pickups which can prevent death long enough for a tactical retreat in some cases.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: But you would most certainly have died if you had not retreated.
Colonel Creedon: That is correct.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: Are you afraid to die Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: No, I was thinking of the time, money and resources it takes to forge a Marine Colonel and that government investment should be protected.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: No further questions Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: Does Trial Counsel wish to cross-examine.
Captain Rabb: He most certainly does Your Honor. Colonel Creedon, how many games did you win that evening?
Colonel Creedon: I don’t recall.
Captain Rabb: How many games would you have played, what was the frag limit?
Colonel Creedon: I don’t recall how many games; the frag limit was 10 or 20 at a guess.
Captain Rabb: Would you say 30 games?
Colonel Creedon: Sounds good, but I really don’t know.
Captain Rabb: If it was 30 games, how many of those could you have won?
Colonel Creedon: At a guess 1 or 2.
Captain Rabb: The great Colonel Creedon- only 2 games at most out of 30? That’s not too good really is it?
Colonel Creedon: No.
Captain Rabb: Why is that do you think?
Lt. Colonel Biggs: Objection, calls for speculation.
Captain Rabb: Your Honor, the accused is one of the world’s foremost experts on modern combat with a proven ability to size up an opponent in order to defeat them; I just want to know why it can be done in reality but not virtually.
Colonel Ross: Overruled, the accused will answer the question.
Colonel Creedon: I think Sith Apologist has much more experience with the ol' mouse clicking, my experience is more practical with a real trigger naturally that shows after hours of play.
Captain Rabb: Indeed. I put it to you Colonel, that you were afraid.
Colonel Creedon: I was not.
Captain Rabb: - afraid of getting another ass-whupping. Sith Apologist has always beaten you in any FPS for years- yes you reign supreme against everyone else but not Sithy, you were getting tired of going down like a punk in a gang banger hit- and you ran, isn’t that right Colonel?
Colonel Creedon: No
Lt. Colonel Biggs: Objection.
Colonel Ross: Sustained. Captain Rabb!
Captain Rabb: You did, you ran Colonel, why?
Colonel Creedon: I was retreating!
Captain Rabb: Not good enough Colonel, why did you run?
Colonel Ross: CAPTAIN RABB!
Colonel Creedon: You want answers?
Captain Rabb: I think I'm entitled to them.
Colonel Creedon: You want answers?!
Captain Rabb: I WANT THE TRUTH.
Colonel Creedon: YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: The brink of war that this planet faces every day and the lives that I save need to continue to live in blissful ignorance of how close our planet comes to being annihilated each and every day. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You NEED me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE ENTITLED TO.
Colonel Ross: Order in the court! Stand Down Captain Rabb?
Captain Rabb: The testimony is irrefutable Your Honor! “The Colonel, machine gun in hand, turned and fled.” Did you, Colonel, machine gun in hand, turn and flee?
Colonel Creedon: That impossible!!!!
Captain Rabb: How is that Colonel??
Colonel Creedon: BECAUSE THERE IS NO MACHINE-GUN IN UNREAL TOURNAMENT, so I couldn’t have been holding one!!!
Captain Rabb: Huh?!
Colonel Creedon: Is that a question Your Honour?
Colonel Ross: Captain Rabb?
(pause)
Colonel Ross: Have you finished cross-examination?
(Pause)
Colonel Ross: Has Trial Counsel completed it’s cross-examination of the accused?
Captain Rabb: Uh, Yes Your Honor.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: Redirect Your Honor. I have here a document which is a list of weapons in Unreal Tournament, please designate it Appellate Exhibit D. As you’ll see from reading down the list, the weapons are: the Impact Hammer, Enforcer, Bio-Rifle, Shock Rifle, Pulse Gun, Ripper, Minigun, Flak Cannon, Sniper Rifle and the somewhat insane Redeemer, none of these weapons apart from the Minigun itself could be argued that it is a machine gun, but Your Honor if Sith Apologist testified that he himself had a Minigun during the engagement why would he refer to the Minigun under a different name? Colonel, do you know of any reason?
Colonel Creedon: It appears that Sith Apologist was mistaken in what I was holding on that day.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: And so he could have been quite mistaken about any other event that day.
(pause)
Lt. Colonel Biggs: No further questions Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: Captain Rabb, are you awake?
Captain Rabb: Your Honour?
Colonel Ross: Did you not hear the last argument made by Associate Defense Counsel?
Captain Rabb: I should have seen that. No machine-gun.
Colonel Ross: Captain Rabb; are you all right?
Captain Rabb: Yes Your Honor.
Colonel Ross: Associate Defense Counsel may continue.
Lt. Colonel Biggs: The Defense Rests Your Honour.
Colonel Ross: Redirect, Captain?
Captain Rabb: The Prosecution rests.
Colonel Ross: Very well, this court is in recess until Wednesday 22nd November when verdict will be delivered.
posted by Capt. Harmon Rabb at 12:20 am
2 Comments:
Rabb you Assclown™, the machinegun reference was in relation to Quake 2. Do you even think to ask witnesses to clarify before using statements?
I'm sure he would have, had you taken the stand. Which reminds me, how much do I owe you again? Muahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
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